Day 11: Ashly

Ashly....

Marji has always waited for that major change in her life that would turn her life around. The break in the surface that would show her exactly where she wanted her life to go and where she wanted to take from her experiences. I can honestly say that with the whole situation between her and Julie when Julie had that party was that breaking point. She finally realized that Austria was not Iran. That the laws and rules of Austria were not the same as that dictatorship she had in Iran. After that, she opened up more to the changes that were coming at her. She changed her style, she cut her hair, and really tried to feel comfortable in this new skin she had discovered and wanted to fit in so badly.Especially with her new group of anarchist, she really wanted to feel like one of them and not just this girl that knows war. She studied about Bakunin and tried to understand how and why these friends of her looked up to him. But even though she wanted to escape the past she had, she really couldn't. That was one thing that she knew would follow her. her pride and joy of being who she was in Iran never seized and was always constant in her heart and mind. I've alwasy been a waiter. A person who sits and waits and just hopes for something better every day. I have a lot of friends who left for the armed forces this summer and all I can do is wait for them and pray that they come back safe. The waiting game is something that is never really easy. In some situations, it can be totally worth it and in others, it turns out to be a waste of time. When I was in this relationship, I waited so much for this boy to chnage his feelings for his ex and eventhough there were days she wasn't mentioned, I knew she was a constant on his mind. every day I would wake up and tell myself that I loved him and I was willing to wait it out. Then one day he tells me that he's going to Florida to visit her for a week and I was devasted. I thought to myself, Am i really not good enough for him to stay?, but knew he had to go. He went, told her how he felt, and she bluntly told him she didn't want anything to do with him so he came back early. And even though I should have been happy about it, he came back a different person. He shut down and just quit on me and everything else except being a stupid soldier. That effected me for so long... bu in the end, I knew I had to follow my own dream and not worry about people who would rather drown in their sorrows than honestly try to overcome them. I know overall, I became a better person.